My Inner Size 4

When I graduated high school, I weighed 150lbs. I thought I was seriously fat and not worthy because the world had told me that. I was called names, mocked and made fun of for my thighs. I continued to fight that belief for most of my life.

At 260lbs I was my most unhappy. I thought I was unworthy, disgusting, and could not possibly be liked by anyone because I didn’t look good in a pair of Buckle Jeans – the world’s measure of worth.

I was drawn in by the before and after pictures, the nightly infomercials, the amazing testimonies for weight loss and exercise – 6-pack abs and amazing shoulders to fit into that bikini and little black dress. I ate what they told me – low carb, low fat, high carb, low fat, yogurt, wheat thins, Diet soda and low fat mayonnaise.

At age 35, I felt awful, every day. In addition to what the scale told me – my body was screaming at me. My head and neck hurt every day, my shoulder was frozen, my body was soft and sore, it was angry at me. My mid-thirties were my most emotionally trying and when I also had the most positive emotional growth and amazing breakthroughs.

When the doctors couldn’t tell me what was wrong or what to do about it – I started this amazing journey of discovery. Along the way I discovered the power of food for illness or life. In that time, I discovered that nutrients are the most powerful elements of life, given to us by the food. I eat fat, real butter, bacon and lots of vegetables, superfoods like avocado and hemp seeds, and very very little processed food or food that comes from a container – even so called “health” foods. See those formulas are often missing nutrients, and the fad diets are nutritionally incomplete. Only real, old fashioned food can bring you those nutrients. No need to be fancy, just eat what your grandparents ate.

Today, my scale is in my garage because I refuse to conform to what the world tells me I should look like. I don’t care that the world expects that I wear a bikini, or a tight dress, or be a size 4 to be worthy. I don’t care about fad diets, because I know that they don’t work, and the world does not have the right to judge me or provide the measurement by which I decide if I’m worthy. So if I ignore your before and after pictures, if I don’t “like” your weight loss photo, it’s because I know that is all fleeting, and my measurement is health driven by good food, and how I feel about myself. Know that I love you, and I wish you the best, but I will not conform. God bless you on your journey, may it lead you on the path to what God has for our health and happiness.